Dear God

Okay, Lord, I get it. I think.

Money doesn't matter. You provide us with plenty. You show me this each and every month. Yet I still push away the nagging feeling that we should give you more. We can be stretched thin, and it's okay. We'll be okay. You'll make sure of that. Why do I even doubt that?

We have enough. Enough to fill up our cars to get to and from work. Enough to buy groceries. Enough to pay the mortgage. Enough to keep the lights on and the water running. Enough to pay the medical bills. Even enough to buy for other people, for our (future) puppy, enough to do fun things, and even enough to buy some new white skinny jeans (that were on sale and free shipping) from AE. And absolutely enough to give extra to give to you. I think know you're trying to tell me and Casey that we can give more to you. More than we have been. It is your money, after all. You just let us take care of it for you. Although, sometimes I'm not sure why. Money makes me nervous. As much as the planner in me desperately wants to put extra money into savings (because you call us to be responsible with what you have given), maybe you're telling me, "Trust me. Give back to my church. To supporting the spread of my word. To supporting those who teach and give and need. Just trust me."

You're just so funny. We got this crazy, unexpected check from our mortgage company last week (Something about escrow surplus...I don't understand all that. Dad said we were good to go, and he's the financial whiz). Aren't we supposed to be paying them? And I was so stoked. God is blessing us! And I deposited the money into my account yesterday ready to just drive myself right home and transfer it to our savings account. Pup can get her shots! Our child can go to one day of college with this money! One of us can go on a cruise! Then, I got home to a piece of mail. Not a fun piece of mail either. CMC decided to send a bill for nearly $900 from my fall last July when I had to go to the ER. The same amount as the check we just received from the mortgage company. What? Why, God? Why $360 just for someone to take some rocks out of my knee and clean under a flap of skin. I could've done that.

At least it was not a bill to be paid with money we don't have. Pam, be thankful you just got that $900 check, not upset because it's out the window again. Even though we had no plans for that money besides savings, I was dejected. Today I called the hospital to question the bill because there appeared to be no deductions due to insurance coverage or anything. She said she would re-process the request to the insurance company, and they would send me a new bill if we still owe anything after. Sigh of relief. $900 is back! Maybe...

So, Lord, I do think I'm starting to truly get it. I'm going to talk to Casey, and see if we can't use our money more wisely for you. You already provide us with so much.

And my fears are just plain silly. We don't even have medical bills piling up that we can't afford to pay  like some people do. We both have jobs. We have a lovely house where the mortgage gets paid on time every month. Who am I to be selfishly unthankful? We can give more to you AND still afford to go to a movie or to dinner and to buy some new skinny jeans and save little bits for our puppy along the way.